I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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