That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
