so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
