Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
