My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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