Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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