Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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