I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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