All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
