a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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