and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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