Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
