we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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