FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
