Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
