Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
