Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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