If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize