did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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