Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
did i just pee glitter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
