you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
