did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
