i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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