he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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