I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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