You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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