Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
