He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
