Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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