We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
