On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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