im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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