apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives