You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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