Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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