ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
