Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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