I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
