mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
