Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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