Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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