Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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