Are we in a gay sports bar?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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