He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
