Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
