I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
