I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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