saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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