he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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