Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
