Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
