Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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