you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
