I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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