my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
