Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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