No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
