Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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