He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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