I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
