I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
