just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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