I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize