I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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