the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
