I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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