Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
